A roadblock is barrier or barricade on a road, especially one set up by the authorities. They can be intentionally placed because of construction or an accident, or they can be the result of something outside of anyone’s control like a fallen tree or a sink hole. In either case, when you meet a roadblock, you have to decide what to do. There are usually two options we are left pondering while we sit in traffic headed toward the impending obstruction of our route. Turn back around and wait for a better time to complete your mission or take a detour and complete the mission (just not in the way we had envisioned).
When you are actually driving, the choice may be clearer, depending on purpose of your trip in the first place. However, in the figurative sense, when you are faced with a roadblock on the path to your goals, the choice between turning around and taking a detour is a very serious choice. If you turn around, does it show a lack of faith or does it show that you are being cautious about where you are headed and when you might get there? If you choose a detour, does it signify perseverance, a win-at-all-costs attitude and determination or does it signify a lack of faith when you decide to call an audible (sorry, I miss football) and take another route so you can get to where you think you deserve to be. This is not something that we can take lightly. I am known to analyze and overanalyze every decision I make. I plan my spontaneity. It does not even matter what type of decision it is: relationships, financial, career, ministry; if I hit a roadblock, I am taking whatever amount of time it takes to decide the next course of action. Even if it means sitting in proverbial traffic with people honking at me about what I should be doing, I will pray and consider my options carefully. It is not out of a lack of faith; it is because I want to be sure of whether God is saying no, go, or take it slow. Sometimes, we think God is taking us in one direction, but He has another plan. Sometimes He needs to get our attention because we have taken His plan and put our own spin on it. Whatever the case, the roadblock is there for a reason. Maybe God wants to know how deeply you want to reach this goal. Maybe you’ve been barreling full steam ahead and have not stopped to assess whether or not you are still on God’s path for you. Maybe God wants to know how deeply you want Him. The only way to know the reason is to go to God and ask Him what He would have you do. Notice I said ask God, not your parents or your pastor or your friends. If God wants you to hear from those people, He will make it so, but depend on Him to answer the question. At times, that answer will come instantly and clearly; other times, you will have to wait. But, whatever the answer and whenever it comes, and whoever delivers the message, it will be what is best for you. A roadblock is not the opportunity for you to quit; it is the chance for you to quiet your mind and seek God’s direction. Ms. EV
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I have been having a great time recording and promoting Worth Dying For and planning the rest of the project, Relationship Advice. I finally feel like I am doing what God would have me to do with the gifts of writing and singing that He has given me. I fell in love with writing in the tenth grade. I was never much of a reader, especially of anything that was very long. But, I love writing. In high school and early on in college, I wrote a lot of poems. Well, I wrote one song in high school called, “If I Were a Tree.” It was not a commercial success, but it was a hit with my family and friends. “If I were a tree…I would have some leaves…and some acorns…” and it went on to describe the characteristics I would and would not want if I were a tree. It was not my best work, but it was the start of something.
When, I got out of college, I put together a demo tape called, Brains and Beauty (I told you the other day that I was super conceited). Anyway, it featured the potential smash, “Bye Bye Baby,” a bitter ode to ex-boyfriends that I recorded in a local studio and another song that I cannot even remember, plus all of the lyrics that I had written at that point. I thought that if the right person heard it I was sure to be a superstar! My parents got me a four-track recorder for my 21st birthday and I started making a cappella songs. Some were great, some were not great. The first song I was truly proud of was the one I wrote when my Aunt Shebra passed away in 1998 after a brave battle with multiple sclerosis. When I got the call, all I could do was cry and write. My Aunt Shebra was a real singer/songwriter, she played the guitar, and she was awesome. After her memorial, I heard some of the songs she and her friends composed and it truly inspired me. I wrote a song for my wedding, and recorded an a cappella wedding march. I wrote a couple of songs in law school. I tried to learn how to play the piano to put music to my lyrics, but it was too hard and I quit. After I had a pretty significant collection going, I copyrighted the songs I had. For the next few years, I wrote songs here and there. I even took my collection to a gospel conference where I was speaking and tried to get other artists to use them. But, I could never get the right person’s attention. I wanted someone else to take the reins and make my music and my dreams come alive. Because, no one did, I essentially gave up. And, two years after I gave up in my heart, my computer crashed and I lost most of my music collection, plays and poetry that I had written. (Remember computer users: Jesus saves and so should you...it's a joke, I'll tell you later if you want to hear it). At that point, I thought it was a sign from God that giving up was the right choice. Over the last few years, I have lost two very close friends and my grandmother, one of my best friends. Those events sent me into a spiral of evaluating and sometimes over-evaluating what I had and had not done over the course of my life. At first, that resulted in a mild depression. I thought because I had not “been discovered,” I was destined to be used by God and I had made so many wrong turns that God didn’t want me as a witness for Him. But then, one day, I woke up. I cannot even pinpoint the day, but I started writing again. I started recording the melodies, so that I would not forget them. Then, I became determined to learn an instrument, so that I would have more than just melodies. I chose the guitar this time. So, after some long conversations with God about what I should do, I decided to take a leap and really, seriously record the music that God has given me. And, I mean given me, when I started learning guitar, I thought it was a lost cause, but within three weeks, I was putting chords with songs. Now, of course, there had to be an attack. When, I realized how easily this new skill set was being learned, I thought, “I should have done this a long time ago.” When I heard the finished product of Worth Dying For, I thought, “I should have done this a long time ago.” I shared those thoughts with my mom and she told me I can’t dwell in the past. I replied, “You’re right. Yesterday is never gonna happen again. All we can do is move forward.” Focusing on an audience of one, God, diving into the talents, that He has given me, and trusting that He knows what it best when it comes to those gifts has been a long time coming. I could feel guilty for not doing it sooner, but as Dr. Phil says, “Guilt is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” So, sorry devil, I won’t be looking back at the past, or to the sides at other people. I will be looking up to the hills from which comes my Help (Psalm 121) and looking forward to where God is guiding me. I am not sure what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. Ms. EV I have a hard time sometimes finding a happy medium between two characteristics. I have, and still do sometimes, find it complicated to find the place between pride and insecurity. When I was younger, I did not feel very pretty (although, looking back, I was pretty cute; I just had no fashion sense). As I got older, the pendulum swung way too hard to the other side, as I began really feeling myself to the point of conceit. Eventually, there was a medium that naturally occurred and resulted in confidence that I am who God made me to be. I embraced my looks, my shape, my hair, and all of the other characteristics that bothered me as a child, but I did not expect everyone to recognize how fly (do we still use this word) I am and fall all over me.
I have come to realize that it was never really about my looks per se, it is about my love for attention. I am not sure when I developed the affinity for attention, but being the center of attention often gives me an adrenaline rush that is very gratifying. The problem is that, at a certain point, I started to rely on the natural high that getting attention gives, so rather than complete tasks because it is something that I love that God has led me to do, I would achieve for applause. Realizing that I have a tendency to follow this pattern has caused me to be extremely cautious when I take on a new venture. I have to really pray and look within to determine whether I am taking a course of action because God told me to or because it will give me a chance to impress people. So, when someone does try to recognize an accomplishment; it becomes very difficult for me to take the compliment because I do not want to get caught up in the praise; I just want to stay on the path for my purpose. It feels good to be recognized, but that should not be our only motivation for working hard. While we do not want to have people give us praise that belongs to God, we should also give them the opportunity to praise God for what He does in and through us. Humility and insecurity are not one in the same. We have to stay humble while allowing God to use others to propel us to the heights that He has for us. I am really talking to myself here, but I have a feeling that I am not the only person who has this struggle. God wants to do great things through us, and, to that end, He has given each of us a specific purpose and design. We have to find the place between pride and insecurity that allows us to reach our greatest potential, so that through our success, God can receive the glory. Ms. EV A few months ago, the marquis outside of my church read, “My way is the Highway – God.” I loved that sign. His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. As the school year winds down, I have a lot of responsibilities for end-of-the-year activities. Yesterday, a friend tried to help me and to recruit others to help me with my tasks, but I quickly asked him to just let me do it my way. As I was thinking about that conversation, it hit me like a ton of bricks: this must be what God is saying when I try to take over and help Him out with my Life. I like to do things my way. I am a pretty efficient person and I do not like to waste time or to have to explain why I am doing something the way I am doing it. Clearly, if I approach an assignment in a certain manner, it is because I have determined the best way to do it. (At this moment, I hear a spiritual, “DUH!”).
Talk about made in His image. I feel the same way about people stepping on my toes as God feels about me trying to step on His. I know how to delegate and I know that I cannot make it through this life without the help of others. That is not what I am getting at here. What I am saying is that when I devise a plan that is what is best, I would like for other people to follow it or get out of the way. That is what God wants us to do. He knows what is best and he does NOT need our help. So, when I make it to Heaven, I don’t want to sound like Sinatra, and say, “I did it my way!” I want God to be able to say, “Although, it took her a while to figure it out, she did it MY way.” Ms. EV Last week, I read a tweet from Kirk Franklin that basically said you that you are walking in God’s purpose for your life when you get to a point that you can no longer move forward with Him. That statement really had an impact on me because for a lot of my life, I have been searching for God’s purpose for me. I have often asked Him, “What is Your plan for my life?” I know all too well what the consequences are for not following His path. Sometimes, I find that I am extremely timid in taking steps forward because I want to be completely sure that I am in God’s Will.
Music is a passion that I know God has placed in my heart. And I know that using the vocal treasure that God has given me is pleasing to Him. I sing on a small praise team and I am the only soprano. I also suffer from seasonal allergies, so there have been many occasions where I had to lead a song or sing a part in a harmony, but I wake up on Sunday morning with no voice. At that point, what comes out of my mouth is truly up to God. I cannot count the number of miraculous Sunday morning healings that I have experienced. Sometimes, I can sing well at church and as soon as service is over, I am hoarse again. Of my own power, I cannot sing melodies and harmonies through an allergy-attacked throat, but God can make it happen. At the beginning of this year, I made a goal to learn to play the guitar well enough to put music to the many songs I have written over the years. When I first started trying to learn “Amazing Grace,” it seemed as though it would be nearly impossible. A few weeks later, I could play it with ease. I started improvising. Then, I started putting melodies to my songs. Now, I have played the guitar, albeit nervously, at church on two occasions, which I know was only through God. In fact, my family even had a jam session on Sunday after church that was awesome. The next step in my musical journey is to record, but I still cannot write a musical composition for others to play and I am not sure of how much I will need to invest. Once again, I am at a point, where I cannot work it out of my own power, so I know that I am headed in the right direction. This is not about testing God. God wants us to do the possible and leave the impossible up to Him. Our general purpose is the praise and please God, so in the specific circumstances of our God-given paths, there will be points at which we cannot move forward without Him. The Bible encourages us to “taste and see that the Lord is good” and to “ask…seek…[and] knock.” God is not some distant puppeteer mandating our every move. Christians have free will. But, in having free will, God’s perfect will is that we follow His plan and give Him glory for the blessings He bestows upon us. So, when you hit a roadblock on your life’s path, and you know that you have been prayerfully seeking to do God’s Will, don’t be discouraged; just know it is something that only God can do. Then, wait for your chance to give Him praise! Ms. EV Nine years ago today, it was the day after my law school graduation. I was preparing to fly to Washington, D.C. for my best friend’s graduation from her master’s program at Howard University. Then, when I returned, I would begin bar prep classes. Today, I am sitting in my old high school as a social studies teacher. My best friend lives in D.C., but is a completely different person. In nearly ten years, my life looks dramatically different from what I envisioned. While I truly value the friendships that I have developed in the period of time, I also have a sense of loss for the friendship that I chose to let go. And, though I do find my career rewarding, it is also very taxing at times. I was asked by a colleague just the other day, “Do you ever think about going back to law?” So, as I reflect on where I was and who I was nine years ago today, a young girl excited about the possibilities for my life, hopeful that I would find my path, confident in my friendships, I cannot help but wonder if I make the right turn?
I wanted to be a lawyer because Claire Huxtable was a lawyer. Claire was married to a doctor, raised five children, and was well respected. I was eight years old when I made the declaration, and aside from one year of deviation when I wanted to be a fashion designer at age nine (and who didn’t), I stuck to my goal. I didn’t really get that it was television and the real world would be different. I knew I did not want anything to do with criminal law. I made the law my life in high school and college. I think the law is what attracted me to my ex-husband. He had some situations in his life that allowed me to flex my legal muscles. But, when that relationship ended, my life went into a tailspin. I fell out of love with the idea of practicing law. And now, looking back, I don’t know if it was because at the time, I didn’t feel capable of making rational decisions about my life. I am just wondering if my confidence was shaken so bad by one situation that I threw away a lifelong dream. I practiced law for three years, but it brought me little joy and loads of anxiety. The initial draw to teaching was the interaction with the kids and the fact that I had not worked year-round for so many years that I thought I would be unable to adjust. Even on the days when I am frustrated with my job, there is usually at least one present or former student who reminds me of why I do what I do. I am just not sure if I gave practicing law a fair opportunity to provide me with the same experience. For the years that I practiced, I always knew that my law practice would come to an end. I did my best for each and every client, but never gave that career path a chance. Did I make the right turn? In college, I made two very close friends. We talked about being in each other’s weddings, being godmothers to each other’s children. In fact, one was my maid of honor. At the time, I could not imagine the rest of my life without these two people. As I began to grow in Christ, our lives took different directions. I was so terrified of moving backwards that I made myself distant and eventually, lost touch with these two young women. I have since reached out to them, but I feel that the damage done by my attitude is irreparable. The saddest part of the situation is that I have no children of my own, but I know there are at least four children who were meant to be my godchildren and I am not a part of their lives at all. I can pray for them from afar, which is the best I can do for them, but it could have been so much more. I have great friends now, who I am spiritually in sync with and I would not trade for the world. Yet, I still wonder…did I make the right turn? I am not sure if I will get the answer to that question on this side of Heaven. And, I am not complaining about my life because I love my life, my career and the people in my life. In pondering whether or not I made good decisions right now, I am not engaged in an exercise of ‘coulda shoulda woulda,” but I am thanking God that for every turn I made, He worked it out for my good. I am discovering some areas in which I may not have forgiven myself. I can use these past experiences to create less questions in my future when I have a choice to make. I could play the “What If” game incessantly, but that is an exercise in futility because the past already happened and it cannot be changed. I also do not want to project into the future because I think that an irrational vision of the future led to some of my worst decisions. So, I think I will just enjoy WHAT IS knowing that God is in full control and I have every reason to be content and filled with joy simply because He has redeemed me, not to mention all of the other blessings He has bestowed upon me. Did I make the right turn? You can say “yes” with confidence to if your turn turns you towards Christ! Ms. EV I truly believe that God places dreams within each of us, so that we can fulfill His purpose for our lives. What we do with our God-given dreams is up to us. But know, you were created for a purpose. We can turn the dream into ministry and reach to seek the lost. Or, we can devote our time to making the dream profitable. Is it possible to do both? Well, the Bible says that we cannot serve two masters. Still, I have faith that if I submit to God’s Will for my life and use the dreams He has placed in me for the building of His Kingdom and to glorify His Name, I will have riches untold. Those riches may be spiritual, material or both. And, whatever He provides will be enough and more than enough.
I have had several dreams. Some have always been present in my life; some have been present for a season. Some have been used to honor God, but honestly, most times, I got swept up in how the dream to uplift me. I have realized, the hard way, that God’s purpose for my life is for others to see Him through me and to feel His love through my love. All the good deeds and good intentions in the world are worthless if I am not seeking His Kingdom. At times, the dreams placed in our hearts may seem strange or even risky, but God knows what He is doing and He knows who He can use. My dream may not fit your life and yours may not fit mine. What God has for me is for me and what He has for you is for you. Once we know the gift He has given us, we must make the choice to live it out for His glory. We must choose to walk it out daily. You may not be able to see what is coming, but if you could, you might not take the leap of faith. So, trust in Him, lean on Him, let Him direct and guide you into the dream He has placed in your heart. Ms. EV I have a ring that says, “If God brings you to it…He will bring you through it.” I thoroughly believe that. We live in a world that is not our home. It is a world that is sinful by nature, so life is not always easy. On this side of heaven, there will be disappointment, depression, disease and even, death. This doesn’t mean that God is any less in control. And when those situations come into our lives, it is just another opportunity for God to show His awesome power and His abundant love.
For example, last year, my grandmother, who was one of my best friends, passed away. I sat with her and talked with her while she was sick for months, hoping and praying for a miracle, but God did what was best for her and eased her pain. My pain from that loss was unlike anything I had ever gone through. So much so, that I didn’t think that I would ever heal. Then one day, a few months later, I woke up and no longer felt the hurt that had been pulling me down. I still have times of mourning, but God brought me through the rough part. Then, there are other times when I have to wonder if God brought me to “it” or if I got there on my own. I have been analyzing decisions left and right lately on every issue under the sun. There are times that I know I made a good, God-led choice initially, and then veered onto my own path and there are times that I just left God out completely. So, when we bring ourselves to it, will God still bring us through it? I believe He will because He knew the path we would take before we took it. It may not be the path He chose for us, but He has a way of working everything out because He sees all and He knows all and best of all, He loves His children. So, if God brings me to it, He will bring me through it and if I bring me to it, He can still bring me through it. Satan would have us dwell on everything we made crooked, but God wants us to watch Him make it straight. We just have to truly want to live and walk in His path. Ms. EV |
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